my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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