I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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