just come out here and I will go home with you...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
