I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
