stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's shark week go big or go home
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
