i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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