she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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