if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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