U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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