Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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