dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
