Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
