Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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