ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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