If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
