Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
