My entire life is one complicated drinking game
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
