It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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