are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
wanna go halves on a baby?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
