did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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