I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
