if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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