i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
