hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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