I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
