$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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