She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
