I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
