It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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