He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
