I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
