I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
