please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
