we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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