I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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