I hate your face
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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