I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
