I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
