If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I wish you could order shots online.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
