Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
