This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She needs sedatives and a leash
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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