My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
