Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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