your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
