girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
being pregnant is like rehab
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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