I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
