I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
