I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
