If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My dick has a subreddit
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
