I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
