I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
