i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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