for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
this hospital has no fireball
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
